Image and The Confusion of Identity in Relationships and The Dave Chappelle and the Transgender controversy.

Has the LGBTQ community been treated fairly?

• No don’t you see all the abuse they take
• Some are some aren't according to specific group
• I don’t care either way
• Yes

I recently went to the corner store near my mother’s house and saw a very sad site. Three young men between 25 and 35 dressed up as females and one pushing a baby in a stroller which given the circumstances is admirable. However, the circumstances of these young men were not natural. This world presents so many different world views and young men are trying to figure out their way through everything. So many find it difficult to know where to turn for guidance on just how to love and be loved. The world beyond the internet is getting colder and colder and few wish to help.

Young boys have a natural desire for power and strength.  Young black boys have always been told they need to learn how to harness their aggression and strength. If they act too powerful and unrestrained, they will be accused of being too aggressive and considered dangerous.

So often young men search for ways the world can agree with them, and they can agree with the world believing that that is the right course or the only course they have. 

Without support and training it’s difficult to master the discipline to follow a process where can they learn to harness their emotions and find ways other than instantaneous gratification.

This the world those young men at the store were faced with. I do not know the circumstances that drove them into the world of alternative lifestyles, but I do know the media and peer pressures they are faced with every day. Young men get so many confusing perspectives on love and being loved it often causes their heads to spin.

Everyone wants to be loved and appreciated. However, this is the hardest aspect of life to get right. We see all kinds of images and models of how to find love and be appreciated. It gets sickening and makes our head spin.

Can we find a love partner in a grocery store, at school or in church? What signs should we look for? One question a sister asked me once, why don’t men show more emotion? Are they afraid to be true? My answer is in a way is yes because we realize women don’t respect true emotion coming from a man. We realize if we admit too many times, we are afraid or start crying about something women will shy away because they are not attracted to a man who shows his feeling like that. Women want the image of strength.

Truth is most men have strong emotions and a lot of times keeping them bottled up causes us harm. Often the pressure gets deep so much so that some men born male seeks to remove that responsibility and act feminine as a female. Media and culture further this crisis of identity by telling kids and the audience its ok and even encouraged to be gay or apart of the LGBTQ community. There are many televisions shows today that show two men kissing or in bed together.

Twenty or thirty years ago this was unheard of. Not until the landmark breakthrough of the Ellen DeGeneres show did two persons of the same sex start showing public love for one another. Although it was often suggested through hints and subtle implications, it was never directly stated.

In the Black community the negative of alternative sexual preferences was even more pronounced. History within the Black community has often been perceived as being antigay or opposed to alternative lifestyles.  In the Black community it was not discussed openly and often railed against by the church minister. This has been the case even as it is well known that the Black community has always had their fair share of homosexuals. During slavery there were some slaves who were raped by their masters and other situations where young men have been raped by an adult they knew or someone in their household.

African American artist and entertainers were known to have been littered with homosexuals throughout history. From James Bladwin to Langston Hughes, to little Richard and many others many Blacks have embraced the gay lifestyle. However, many times their private life was kept hidden, and not public. Many Black gay people would often keep their alternative lifestyle so called in the closet.

The Dave Chappelle predicament with the LGBTQ community is not new but the argument and discussion has become louder and more pronounced. The LGBTQ community in some respects had, to some, become a bully against anyone that had a different view. Chappelle was expressing that he and a lot of others had had enough of this cancel culture mentality that was being espoused. Many people were afraid to say anything for fear of being attacked. When Kevin Hart years ago stated he did want his son to be gay and if that happened, he said in jest he would beat him up, He was severely attacked by the LGBTQ community as anti-gay. But he as his father had a right to say that. Yet because of the outcry Kevin lost hosting duties that year for the Academy awards. When Genuine expressed on a Big Brother episode he did not wish to kiss a transgender which he has a right to say he was attacked. The LGBTQ certainly has a right to be sensitive. Over many years members of that community have been attacked by violence and ostracized, however two wrongs do not make a right. You do not attack people for not wanting to participate or welcome your preference.

What also has to be talked about is the confusion identity can cause elsewhere. I was walking in a Family Dollar store and saw an attractive tall dark skin female. I am attracted to that kind of lady; however, I had trepidation. I have a habit of scrolling escort sites looking at the ladies and often the ones I take a second look at, the ones I find most attractive before I look at details, end up being transgenders. Transgenders have a knack of making themselves appear the most attractive and no, that does mean I’m secretly homosexual. It does mean that the line has become so blurred that it is not easy sometimes to tell a man from a woman. If they are making that type of effort to be seen as someone else, it becomes harder. At the same store looking for razors to shave I asked one of the workers putting up things on the shelf, “Hey brother where are the razors”? He turned and looked at me with a stern look and frown. “Next aisle over”. He spoke. The man was actually a woman. She was dressed like man, appeared to me to be built like a man and had hair and face features like a man and when she talked, she talked like a man. Shit! What the hell is happening? This confusion and misconceptions can be dangerous and could and has caused harm. A lonely man looking for love gets caught at a weak point and gets with a transgender who initially does not identify themselves and they both inadvertently get involved and the man’s feelings get confused and he then becomes very angry about the deception. This could and has led to violence.

Everyone has a right to their preference and if you believe and adhere to that, you have to accept those who do not like or believe in your way as long as they are not violent or harassed. Dave Chappelle was expressing this sentiment. The backlash also revealed that many people shared his views.  We should all believe in tolerance and kindness to others, and in the black community we certainly understand harassment, violence and the desire for tolerance and kindness. However, we also understand strength of community attempting to be diluted and the many divergent forces trying to confuse our community.

The Black community is very diverse and not one size fits all. We have conservatives, liberals, rich people, poor people, those very athletic and those not athletic at all. We have scientists, entertainers and people in all walks of life. Because of our history of slavery, racism and ostracization, the black community more than any other needs examples of strength and progress.  To the standpoint where alternative lifestyles are promoted as the optimum that is detrimental. However, it is high time we accept and be transparent and honest about a major part of our community and show pride. It will be a strong dichotomy to show the strength of our community and show pride in our Black LGBTQ community also. But what else is new. Our life as Black people have always been unique. If we can find a way to be accepting, prideful and still build a strong black community, we will be better as a people.

For many of our young people seeking an acceptable identity this is a difficult situation, trying to find an acceptable identity. Would many of our young people and others choose and live a different way if some of these alternative lifestyles were not promoted and glorified? Many would not. In the black community we have so many psychological scars we need to find strength and support from every source we can. We believe in tolerance and kindness to others, but we want everyone to have a true choice to be who they were created to be. Not necessarily whom this decadent and exploitive western world pushes them to be. Keep saying truth Dave Chappelle but we want to lift up our Black LGBTQ brothers and sisters also. We can be better together. Peace and power.